We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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