Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just found puke in my bra..
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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