i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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