drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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