he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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