I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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