puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
