Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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