your thong is hanging out like whoa
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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