I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
