how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
