Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
not ubering you a puppy
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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