I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
