My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
