He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
