I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You have to summon your inner elephant
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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