is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
