Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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