Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
