PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
its not stalking. its research.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
