I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
