Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
