Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
