Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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