took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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