when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
