oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
