i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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