I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
