yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
