Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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