Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
