Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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