If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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