yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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