But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
