On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
