Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
