We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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