I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
