This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I need a beard to bite.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
