You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
