pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
No stitches, just platelets and will power
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
