Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
