Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
