He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
