If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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