If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
