i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
