So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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