I CAN MOONWALK!
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
