No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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