in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
