Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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