wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
