i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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