Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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