I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
