something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
