He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
