Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
bring money and cleavage
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize