I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
