I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
