Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
