The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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