There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
