eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
