Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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