Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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