Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Randomize
